Stools and Stool Pigeons

           

The Stool Pigeon's news at the breakfast table was somewhat troubling. This informant can be trusted. 
         Rather than surviving on regular gambling winnings as faithfully declared on numerous occasions and following challenges, So-and-so skims some cash from the bad stuff doing the rounds, despite draconian, nay, ultimate and catastrophic penalties….
         Not speed or ganga.     

         Informant has been clean fully seven years now, doing well. Liking as he does to sit with the chaps at the regular place at Such-and-such, nevertheless he, the Pigeon, must be careful not to hang too long for fear of a sudden raid. 
         POW! the narks. 
         PING! the lolly wrapper on the ground. 
         Thereafter trying to convince the boys in blue it wasn't you. 
         No officer. Search me! (Stopped him the other day in Rochor Road walking along minding his own business. Urine test. Pissed off. If they really wanted to catch guys it wasn't hard. Victimization and harassment pure and simple.)
         More heartening now.
         WARNING: squeamish viewers might need to look away!

         In the S.T. supplement Mind Your Body this morning the much-to-be-desired "No. 4 Stool Type" on the "Bristol Stool Chart" identified as the best of its kind. Long and smooth was a perfection. Hard and lumpy no good of course; neither at the other end of the scale runny and loose. 
         With the bran, oats and wheat the last how many years one less matter to worry about. Arrow likely to arrive from another direction.

         Ta the chaps at that useful organ of info, much obliged. Always worth a look.