Chinese Marriage Market

A proper Chairman Mao great-niece this morning Miss YuB. Short queue, hand-knitted vest over shirt, ruddy cheeks and bright eyes.

             Twice weekly she volunteers at the Sunshine school, helping the Mandarin teacher with her difficult task. Alternate weekends YuB joins the soup van delivering to the homeless around town.

             A picture from another place and time sitting upright and firm, unheeding of the traffic, the churning trucks and darting cars. Formidable revolutionary Red Guard in her civvies, not long turned twenty-three.

            It had to out. She had to be told….

            Months past YuB had been joshed once or twice before in this same way, without much reaction. It seemed inconsequential for her, water off an imperturbable Chinese duck’s back. Only now on the morning ride to Sunshine did the surprise on her side emerge.

            In fact, as it turned out, back home only a few short years ago, Miss YuB had been commonly mocked in precisely these same terms—either as Mao’s granddaughter, or great niece.

            The settled poise, the unsophisticated dress and sober behaviour was a throw-back to a remote past even for her own countrymen—her schoolmates in this case.

            By the early nineties Yuan’s kind of firm uprightness, her all-weather calm, had become an anachronism even in the land of her birth.

            The schoolmates’ revenge back then on their prim and proper Class Monitor was one thing; that the same barb would follow her out to Australia quite another. There was cause for some concern.

            There had been a simple, straightforward pride evident when Yuan first revealed her former position of Class Monitor.  Not any kind of Class Monitor either. Twelve years YuB had been the chosen one; through each year of her school-life.

            Evidently there had not been another candidate to compare for dependability, serious mindedness, the no nonsense rallying of the classroom. In early grades one of her teachers had wanted to adopt Yuan. When family turmoil disrupted her schooling the teacher had stepped forward.

            Yuanbin tells tales that stretch much further into the past than a 10 hour flight would suggest. Something of the fine, reliable Class Monitor still hung close.

             The kids in the class, the back-rowers and others, must have been gentle and circumspect in their ragging. Some of these former classmates still texted her in Australia, addressing YuB as Monitor, or Sis.

            The family upheaval in early years had delayed her schooling; as a consequence Yuan had been a year older than most of her classmates. The seniority another cause for respect.

In the Sunshine Mandarin classes there were a couple of intractable students. Miss YuB suggests strategies to the class teacher, only a few years older than herself. Back home in Fuzhou YuB had tutored youngsters in a variety of subjects, Mandarin included. No doubt she had an aptitude; for teaching and much else. With trains and buses taking over an hour to get to Sunshine, a quick lift was the least one could do.

In the new country three or four years later YuB was a little uneasy at the echo of the old taunt. Concerned now she was at what appeared a bad look.

            Certainly neither Yuan nor her family had ever been Maoist. All his life her father has practiced his Buddhism. Now too with the future looming, this kind of prim and proper look might impede prospects. It was unlikely to win favour with the boys perhaps.

            At fully twenty-three, the pressure was on at home from YuB’s mother and aunts. Only a year older, her eldest sister had a child already; the younger a solid boyfriend. For a number of months now the matchmakers had been at work.

            Friends here were well underway meeting prospective husbands, introduced by either their parents or parents’ allies. Facebook and online chat were often the first acquaintance. A few months ago when there was a lad being proposed, YuB had said she preferred if her mother or aunt found her a suitable boy. Their judgment Yuan was willing to trust and follow; explore the possibility at least. Having someone sourced by these wise heads would at the same time relieve the responsibility. Of course the whole thing was daunting. How to bring off a good marriage? Doing it on one’s lonesome, by one’s own devising, presented all kinds of problems, no less so for a clear-minded, sensible and practical young woman.

For our evening walks often the Red Star baseball cap came out. Among the Chinese diaspora the cap had caused YuB some trouble. Many of the older generation particularly were affronted. And of course YuB shared the antipathy, like everyone else now she was a young capitalist-roader now. Another reason why the Chairman ragging was unwelcome.

            For her generation, however, the five-pointed star stood for nation. The proud, strong China moving forward into the new century. YuB’s little moon-face carried the star nicely. (It was not a harvest moon; only a small orb. The weight-gain in Australia was another cause for worry in the marriage market. Ten kilograms YuB had put on here—therefore the evening exercise.)

            With the cap the vigorous swing of arms inevitably suggested a march– of the long variety of course.

            — I’m exercising on my arms, Yuan defended herself, throwing off the imputation.

            Yuan’s friend Nina recently returned to Hong Kong to meet the boy proposed by her stepmother—in fact her aunt. (When her mother abandoned Nina as a baby the responsibility was immediately accepted by the aunt, the mother’s sister. Not the only case of fluid familial relations among YuB’s friendship group. Yu B herself had been raised by her good aunt when her parents’ marriage broke down.)

            We were keen to hear news of Nina. Being so busy over there even Facebook and texting lagged. In the last weeks before she left Nina had spent $2,000 on new clothes and got herself trim for the introduction, losing 8 kg.

            Nina worked as a professional barista in a Box Hill café. Some money she had salted away. The agreement between the brokers was that the prospective groom weighed into the deal with $600k, a figure referenced to the property market in Melbourne. It was enough for a decent entry-level apartment. The fellow did not have tertiary education, but neither did Nina. What Nina had was PR. A sizeable bargaining chip.

Yuan’s own position had been stated over the last few months as more and more of her friends had entered the marriage stakes. Yuan’s first prospect had apparently taken offence at her tardy response to mails. Or at least the lad’s sponsors had taken offence it seemed. Yuan had tried to argue her commitments of schooling, work and volunteering. Without success.

            A recent Sydney trip with another girlfriend for whom a preliminary meeting had been arranged with the son of her father’s friend back in Shanghai proved unsuccessful. The lad had a good IT job, PR; father had some money. Problem was he was both too short and very plain looking. The girl involved, LiLin, couldn’t be swayed.

            YuB on the other hand had different criteria. On the matter of height she was in accord with Shanghaiese LiLin. Not only could the girls not stomach the thought of a shorty, ideally Mr. Right needed to be over 180cm. Decidedly taller than themselves. A podgy fellow was OK, as long as the ranginess was there.

            Everyone liked good looks of course—or so you would have assumed. LiLin certainly did. LiLin was conventionally pretty, chasing the fashion, wearing make-up. At home her wardrobe was overflowing with shoes and handbags. Good looks in the boys was only to be expected.

            Yuan however dissented. Handsome boys raised doubts and distrust for her. Not considering herself attractive might have had something to do with it. The whole outward beauty factor Yuan seemed to consider a trap, a kind of misfortunate by-way. Marriage and the chief direction of life was side-tracked by such elements. This seemed to be YuB’s thinking.

            The matter of height was something else. Health and wellbeing possibly involved; not a superficial aesthetic standard.

            In YuB’s criteria then (a) height and a close second  (b) intelligence. There was definite intolerance for “stupidity”.

            Handsomeness a clear negative: the wariness was as strong as that. Money and education were unnecessary; the latter more important than former.

            That pretty much covered the matter.

            One other qualification was added recently in a particular context, which unexpectedly re-cast the position somewhat.

            Should she be pursued earnestly, with some persistence, by a shorty, Yuan might in fact come around.

            — If he likes me a lot….

            Weeks past that particular factor had seemed fixed and unalterable.